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Middle-Age Superhero Superpowers List

November 24, 2010 by John Sheirer

John Sheirer's picture

1) Can identify celebrity voice-overs in TV commercials.
2) Can read difficult books even in dim light.
3) Can always, always, put commas in correct places.
4) Can spot extra spaces between words in magazine articles.
5) Can overeat at lunch and then do so again at dinner even after a big breakfast.
6) Can determine just by smell if milk at back of fridge has gone bad.
7) Can correctly use affect and effect, accept and except, there, their, and they're.
8) Can program his cell phone, sometimes, with at least limited success.
9) Can toss shirt in the dryer for ten minutes to remove wrinkles without ironing.
10) Can tell amusing anecdotes without using "f" word.
11) Can look into nearly direct sunlight and only squint a little while wearing sunglasses.
12) Can hold back intestinal gas during job interview.
13) Can lick envelope seal without cutting his tongue, usually.
14) Can win footrace against his four-year-old niece if given proper time to train and warm up.
15) Can cut his own hair.
16) Can get laundry clean without separating whites and colors.
17) Can return bent paper clip to usable shape with only his bare hands and pliers.
18) Can pay bills before final notice arrives in mail, but only near beginning of the month.
19) Can see badly dressed teenagers and withhold comment.
20) Can realize that he has never been and will never be a superhero.

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